Domestic Abuse and Narcissism
Understanding what it is that you are experiencing and finding a way forward
​Domestic Abuse is not just physical violence. Coercive control is a pattern of behavior used to dominate, isolate, and manipulate another person — often seen in abusive relationships. When combined with narcissistic traits, it can be especially dangerous and hard to detect. Narcissists often use charm, gaslighting, and emotional manipulation to gain control, leaving victims confused and isolated.
Quick Checklist: Signs of Narcissistic Coercive Control
​
-
Constant criticism, blame-shifting, or gaslighting
-
Isolating you from friends, family, or support systems
-
Controlling your time, money, appearance, or decisions
-
Using affection or attention as a tool for control
-
Making you feel “crazy” or like everything is your fault
-
Love-bombing followed by withdrawal or punishment
-
Disrespecting your boundaries or ignoring your needs
-
Undermining your confidence or sense of reality
​
If these signs feel familiar, you're not alone — and you're not overreacting. Awareness is the first step toward reclaiming your voice and power.
Still unsure?
It's normal to doubt your own reality, but the fact you are even wondering if what you are experiencing is abuse tells me something isn't right?
​
How Narcissistic Coercive Control Shows Up...
​
1. Thoughts:
-
“Maybe it’s my fault.”
-
“I can’t trust my own judgment anymore.”
-
“If I just try harder, things will get better.”
-
“They weren’t always like this — maybe I’m the problem.”
-
“No one would believe me anyway.”
-
"But, they can be so nice/loving sometimes"
​
2. Feelings:
-
Confused – not sure what’s real due to gaslighting.
-
Guilty or ashamed – believing you’re failing in the relationship.
-
Anxious or on edge – walking on eggshells to avoid conflict.
-
Numb or emotionally drained – exhausted from the constant manipulation.
-
Isolated – feeling alone or cut off from support.
​​
3. Behaviours:
-
Withdrawing from friends, family, or hobbies you once loved.
-
Silencing yourself to avoid arguments.
-
Second-guessing decisions or asking for “permission”.
-
Crying often or experiencing emotional outbursts, then blaming yourself.
-
Over-functioning – trying to “fix” everything to keep the peace.
​
4. Physical & Mental Health Impact:
-
Chronic stress, fatigue, or insomnia.
-
Panic attacks or depressive symptoms.
-
Difficulty concentrating or memory fog.
-
Low self-worth or identity confusion.
-
Self-harm and/or suicidal thoughts or intent.
​
Important Note:
People often don't recognize the abuse because it's subtle and psychological — not always physical. That doesn’t make it any less real. Psychological abuse is traumatising and isolating. If you're identifying with this, you are not overreacting and help is available. Contact me for a confidential chat. No one will make you do anything you are not ready for - we will work slowly and safely to help you to find who you are and to make sense of your world.
​​
Here is a list of those who can also offer you support:
​​
